thinking about school again.

Its almost been a year since I graduated NSCAD and I've been thinking about what I want to do next. I have a lot of options but I just can't figure out what I want to do. I could wait another year and re-apply to NSCAD for my Masters degree, I could go to Grad school, I could apply to Dal or Mount St Vincent for phycology and go into art therapy or I could get a second teachable and my bachelors of education and teach high school. Like I said I have no idea what I want to do.

I've also been working on my web store, though its not really going anywhere at the moment. I have so much to do, make stock, get my pay pal fixed, and actually start selling stuff.

been a while hasn't it?

I've been posting more regularly on my other blog. I've been thinking about deleting this one entirely but for some reason haven't done it. I also have a Tumblr which in itself is just as stagnant as this one. I just haven't been feeling productive lately. I mean, yeah I do have a job and I work, but after work I just end up sitting around my apartment doing nothing. I stopped doing things like my dread stuff I use to do and drawing and painting... especially painting. I had big plans for that, and I end up just leaving it for tomorrow. By the time tomorrow comes I just don't feel like it. That really sucks, I use to be so creative and now all I do when I get home is just sit and stare at a wall. I started putting things on a schedule like my blog jgallery, I make it a point to post on there every Thursday. Even that can be hard sometimes, I shouldn't have to force it either. It's just really frustrating.

Been a WHILE!

ok so my internet voice was snuffed out for the past... I don't know... year or something. It has been a really really long time since i've written a blog so I need to get back into it again. I like this blog because it gave me a way to release stress and get things off my chest with things that have been going on in my life. I remember when I first started this blog, I wanted it to be kind of like an online diary for myself and to sort of let others that were going through the same things as me would know that they are not alone. I do keep a diary or log or journal whatever you want to call it. I like having tangible things like that, I do however burn old journals after a while, after I feel like I've moved on from those pages of my life. Its like a way of letting go and healing I suppose.

thats all I have to say for now, I'm gunna be posting some pictures of the NSCAD Grad show on my other blog, JGallery.

Till the next time.
xo
Jessy.

new piercings are fun

so I got my snake bites done yesterday so I'm super happy. My friend ben (whom has never gotten a pierced before) came with me to see what its like, through me of course haha so he watched the needle go into my face and then couldn't handle it apparently and had to look at the wall. hahaha poor boy. I took it like a champ. no tears or nothing. the healing process starts now. so thats gunna suck for a bit. and I find that eating is really hard to do when you have things protruding from your face. haha I'll put up a picture soon, when its all healed up

Uni starts again.

I start school again in a week. I'm rather nervous, but I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm not a anxious as I was last year. Being somewhere new, with out friends or family around can be a bit nerve racking. I spent last august in halifax alone, and didn't have my friends around until they arrived in sept. But I'm sure that this year will be interesting. My uncle and his girlfriend will be staying with me in october I believe, and thats really great. I haven't seen my uncle in years and it would be nice to spend some family time with him. It will be nice having some others in this apartment besides myself.

I shaved parts of my hair off. haha I have a mohawk now, I suppose I was trying to say haha but yeah I really love it, but at the current moment I'm fighting with my locks and putting in my synthetic dreads. I haven't really told anyone. so it will be quite the surprise.

~jessy

Oh hey..

Yeah it has been a while.

So I thought I would update on what has been going on with me lately. I've been in this weird melancholy state of mind for the last few weeks. I don't know exactly whats been with that, but I've kind of been feeling ok, but it has plateaued as of late. Right now I try not to say to much about how i'm feeling to any of my friends that are around, mainly because I don't want to scare them with whats been running rampant in my head. though if I told them about my dreams and whatever they would probably think i'm insane.

I'll tell you something rather weird about a certain dream i've been having. It doesn't have a start or an end. When I have this dream, it's the same every time. I'm sitting in a coffee shop, in a booth with someone (That person is Wally- for those of you that know who Im referring.. good, for everyone else, think Gotye and you're golden). Now I don't know why my unconscious would choose him to place in my dream but moving on.. In this dream we are enjoying a pleasant conversation, and i'm sketching him, this is a common thing that I do, especially when I'm with really close friends, so its rather odd that I would be doing this in a dream with someone that I don't even know in reality. Im sitting with my legs up holding my sketchbook and I'm sketching, and we're laughing and talking about whatever, I don't really remember what it was about, that part of the dream is rather hazy. The over all tone of this dream is rather positive, normally I have dreams that are completely fucked up. But this one is so simple, and pleasant. Nothing really happens in this dream, we're just sitting, i'm drawing and he's drinking coffee. What really bugs be about it, it i've been having this dream countless times and I cant figure out why. I think it may have something to do with the unknown, Wally is someone that I don't know, and he could represent a new relationship that could come forth. Now i'm not saying with him obviously, just that my unconscious chose to use him as a symbol.

I keep thinking of why I would keep having this dream, that maybe its trying to tell me that I'm lonely and want company. Like a friend or a companion or something like that. Someone that I can just spend time with, and hang out with. I find it rather odd but in a way it does make sense. I spend a great deal of time alone, and it would be good for me to get out there and meet someone new. Like I said someone that I could hang out with, that would be great. But as of right now I spend my time alone, and I enjoy it a lot. There is a great possibility that this dream is subconsciously trying to tell me that i'm just lonely and want to be with someone.

now, when I say lonely. I am in no way referring to anything sexual. I'm referring to lonely in its original form. Since i've noticed that if I say "i'm lonely" to any of my friends they instantly assume that I want to have sex or something.. seriously.. thats totally not what i'm talking about.

But I've seemed to of derailed a bit..oh well.

That seems to be the main things so far.. ahaha but yeah, just a rather odd dream and a melancholic mood.

04/14/12

Apparently its inappropriate for me to be nonchalant about everything. I typically don't care about crap like hurt feelings and all this stupid girl cattiness. That seems to be wrong because some of my friends think that I should care. saying oh don't say anything, don't tell anyone to me. yeah I wont say a word, but if I say something along those lines and I encourage them to keep their mouths shut about it, it ends up blowing up in my face. And I end up loosing face with someone. That seems to be a constant in my life at the moment. I never cared before about this BS and now, they are forcing me to care, because they are all I have hear. I hardly ever see them as it is anyway. I spend most of my time alone. But that is because of my current school situation, seeing as I am part time and they are all full time. It makes me feel sick that they arn't adult enough to come up to me and talk to me. I have to be the one to chase after them if I want to hang out or anything. and if they ask me to do something with them or go somewhere, im expected to say yes.

I do have friends here that are way more adult. They are really nice and actually want me in their company. and I do appreciate that a lot. and it means a lot to me that I can talk to those people without any problem.

at this moment i'm considering just keeping to myself. Just not worry about anything and just focus on me, and what I want from life.