uhg.

I know that not a lot of people read this shit, but it makes me feel better when i write stuff.

since im almost done school, i've become more.. off message. I mean im actually doing really well now. and I just dont understand why im feeling this way, I should me happy. but im not. its lots of things I guess. like the fact that I have to move home and i've been living away from home for the past 3 years. I dont want to let this place go.

I dont want to forget any of this, the good things at least that happened in the past 3 years that i've attended fanshawe. its not just the people that are in my grad class, its everything else. the little things, like getting up in my apartment. making my own food, not needing anyone else, just me. its the space that ill miss the most. my time. my alone time. my freedom

more blah blah

twitter = jessydonn

facebook.com/jdonnbarkley

and uh here.

I know I'm crazy.

I can't sleep, and if I do. It doesn't last long.
I can't think. I hear, things. Voices all the time, in the back of my head.
they don't stop. She doesn't stop.
A constant Why. She says, repeated. Why. Why, Jessy, Whats wrong with me.
Why is this happening.
I close my eyes. Peace. thats all I need. Just silence.
My heart aches, cold. My hands, numb.
I'm tired. I just want sleep.

I wrote that a couple of days ago. Its about what happened to me last year. my roommate had a breakdown and tried to kill herself. there was a lot of things that happened that night. some things that are just really hard to get out of my head and they just keep resurfacing in my head.

I thought that I could deal with it by myself, just keep it in and forget about it. but that just doesn't happen. one of my closest friends told me that I needed to talk about it. get some help. he was right, so right. He told me that I have Post-tramatic stress. and he is bang on. and with my history of MD that doesn't really help me much. I found that, with what happened, its starting to get easier to talk about. but that still doesn't help me sleep at night.

ichating with Bruce Willis ....

...would be the coolest thing ever. Since I hear that he likes to creep up the blogs and post alike, about his movies and what not. I don't no, it would just be pretty fucking sick.